Whitehouse Station, N.J. – On Wednesday, pharmaceutical giant Merck & Co. heralded the development of its new drug, Elemin, a medicine which the company insists does not appear to cause death. Originally developed to treat acid reflux, the drug has so far failed to show benefit in clinical trials and is currently being prescribed by doctors to treat inner ear infections. “We’re still tweaking the formula to produce an actual medical benefit, but one thing’s for sure: it won’t kill you. We’re testing for that now,” said Michael Stine, Merck’s vice president of marketing. Stine confirmed that his company is currently planning a multimillion dollar ad campaign, introducing Elemin as “the drug that won’t kill you,” with ads featuring a diverse array of people consuming the drug, dancing in fields and not dying.