Al-Qaeda Suicide Academy Discontinues Live Vest Training

Al Qaeda Suicide Academy to Discontinue Live Vest Training web

Waziristan, Northwest Pakistan – International sources reported Wednesday that would-be terrorists coming out of the Al-Qaeda Suicide Academy (ASA) will no longer have experience handling live vests as part of their training. “We’re losing too many freshman bombers who have such great potential for someday getting out into the real world and blowing up a cross-section of humanity in the name of religion,” explained an unnamed but reliable source at ASA, one of the top terrorist training facilities in the region. The source confirmed that weapons-hot training is not being removed from the school’s curriculum for lack of demand. “There will always be a bottomless pool of able young men vying for the opportunity to combust themselves in exchange for fame and afterlife rewards, but we’ve had too many malfunctions to keep the live vest program going. The program was simply unsustainable, financially. You wouldn’t believe how much we were paying in insurance.”

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