Americans Beginning to Realize World Cup A Great Excuse for Mindless Nationalist Fervor

Americans Beginning to Realize World Cup A Great Excuse for Mindless Nationalist Fervor web

New York, N.Y. – After weeks of watching global populations embrace the World Cup through inebriated hooliganism, jingoistic chants, and sudden screams of “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!,” Americans began realizing last month that soccer is a great excuse for the drunken fervor that accompanies short-term national loyalty. “Soccer could offer millions of easily amused Americans another excuse to drink themselves to the point of liver failure in the name of country,” commented sportswriter Rich Sorenson, noting the rise in popularity of the low-scoring sport among Americans during the 2014 World Cup. “Historically, the unity of American communities reaches record lows while the NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL are off-season. Added Sorenson: “That’s a long time to leave a populace without a sports team to get drunk rooting for.”

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