Bullshit No Longer Available In Bunches

New York, N.Y. – Wall Street markets were down Tuesday in the wake of a surprise announcement from bullshit manufacturers that the flagship American export will soon no longer be packaged into bunches. “What a bunch of bullshit,” said regional bullshitter Rusty Sanchez, echoing the exact grammatical grouping that will soon no longer be available domestically or abroad. Industry stocks were down across the board, with big losers including the U.K. distribution firm Bollocks International (BSI) and marketing giant Propaganda, Inc. (BULL); both closed at historic lows. “The market has long relied on the seemingly endless stream of bullshit that accompanies doing just about anything in life it seems like,” said Sanchez. “But even if now there’s no such thing as a bunch of bullshit, there will still be bullshit everywhere – on the highway, at the supermarket, on the golf course – so the market will stabilize once demand begins to grow for other collections of bullshit, such as a heap or a pile or a croc.”-Drew Miller

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