EDITORIAL: Dow Go Up, Me Are Happy, By A Wall Street Investment Banker

Me important stock trader. Buy stocks, sell stocks using computer. Left-click, many trade! Today, Dow make big jump. Big jump! Numbers go high. So many profit!

By A Wall Street Investor

By A Wall Street Investment Banker

Me very good Dow watcher. Never fooled – I know higher number mean more better. Line point up, happiness make increase! And low number mean bad thoughts, maybe hurt self. Trades very exciting. Buy stock, sell stock, short sell stock, margin call, insider trade, felony investigation – gets heart pumping!

Sometimes Dow not make big jump, or not make jump at all. Sometimes, Dow make big fall. When Dow make big fall, make come tears. Tears bad. Tears make cocaine stick to hands.

Need cocaine for make fast trade. Sticky cocaine no good.

Before black president, Dow make fall, and fall, and fall. Dow fall very much, very fast. Man on TV make long wail. Dow lose more numbers than traders could count. Stock traders make many tears, cocaine stick to everything.

When Dow made big fall, bank people lose minds. When bank people lose minds, bank loses money. When banks lose money, nation worry, even though elderly man say fundamentals of economy are strong.

But nation come through for banks. Banks too big, cannot fail. Great American spirit! Country put on brink because of a reckless few, but taxpayers rescue banks. Hooray, banks are saved!

Some politician say economic recovery hollow, because no jobs created. Country foot bill for economic collapse, and lower classes suffer much. But how can recovery be hollow when Dow so high?? Politicians make big lie. Dow number not lie.

Need make trades now; job figures not important, Dow figures very important. Need to keep cocaine from getting sticky.

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