I'm totally dominating my online fantasy cricket league

Well, it's official: when it comes to the world of online fantasy cricket, I'm Mr. King Shit. Yes, even against the best of the online fantasy cricket league world, I've been consistently rated number one for the entire 2006 season at fantasycricket.com, where, as everyone well knows, only the world's most devout wicketheads dare come to play.

With 14 members of my 16-member team competing in upper-bracket play in the Champions Trophy cricket competition, and my overall manager score at an astounding 494, I'm pretty much a lock to finish the year at the numero uno position.

As for my so-called competitors, one by one I've been dismissing them all - in much the same manner as my number two pick this season, Sri Lanka's Farveez Maharoof (yes, I concede that my Maharoof pick was pretty much a no-brainer) dismissed the West Indies' batsmen in the final Champions Trophy qualifier in mid-October. In fact, with the occasional exception of my most competent fantasy league opponent, wicketface322 - who, I have to admit, made a brilliant pre-season move in drafting the at-the-time largely unproven Pakistani deep mid-wicket Herandu Burokash - not one of my fellow fantasy leaguers have gotten within 28 points of me this season. Yes, my domination of online fantasy cricket this year has been that convincing.

In fact, sadly, with my team management skills having so overwhelmed the competition, there have been few thrilling moments for me this year. Besides having to temporarily replace a few team members because of injuries (most notably when my English standout Marcus Trescothick was indefinitely sidelined with an acquired gastrointestinal infection in early September), and my constant fiddling with the wicket-keeper position, I've faced few real management dilemmas this year with my fantasy cricket team. In fact, the only incident I can remember in which I wasn't 100 percent certain of the right bowlers and batsmen to play, occurred only recently when Maharoof was scheduled to bowl directly against my low-level batsman Carlton Baugh of Sri Lanka last month. (A quick word of explanation is in order: Yes, I know that, as a batsmen, Baugh is no Don Bradman [but, c'mon, who is?]. Baugh did show real promise last season, batting two centuries in the World Cup finals alone. So I took a chance; suffice to say, it hasn't exactly panned out as I'd liked. Big deal. I'm still leading the goddamned league, mind you.) As fate would have it, a tremendous delivery by Maharoof jagged back into Baugh, giving the umpire an easy lbw decision as my key fast bowler completed his first five-wicket haul in ODIs. I guess, really, even a novice should have seen that coming. (Consequently, Maharoof would have had his sixth victim next ball, but overstepped as he cleaned up Fidel Edwards with a perfect yorker. But noting that probably falls into the category of micromanagement, wouldn't it?)

Yet for all of the genius I've displayed in my trades and drafts this year, I must admit that I was considerably lucky to end up trading away West Indies' batsman Wavell Hinds, who in his very next game following my trade scratched around for a mere 86 balls before mistiming a drive to Sri Lanka's Sanath Jayasuriya at mid-off, and has averaged only 14.4 runs since. Yes, it never hurts to be lucky. November 2006