1. A good soundman always warms up his eardrums; place your forehead atop a table and place a blasting cap one inch from each ear. Strike caps with hammer (careful not to hit your head!). Drain blood and plug each ear with an alcohol-soaked cotton ball. Warmed up? Hell, you're red hot!
2. Extensive set-up time can be saved by not even plugging in the stage monitor system. No matter how loud you make any band's stage monitors, the singer will always say they are not loud enough. This will ensure they are correct.
3. When the band starts playing, always begin by mixing the most important component: a stiff drink.
4. Contrary to popular belief, the mixing board does not have a "suck" knob to crank up; making the band sound like shit is achieved through a combination of hard work, gut instinct, and strict adherence to tip number one.
5. Always abandon the soundboard before the encore song, to beat traffic.
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Eye on Dick
The Recoil Handbook
Shallow Thoughts
Part I.
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