The vigorous physical demands placed on Dick require strict dedication to fitness, but joining a health club is an expensive luxury on which Dick cannot afford to blow his wad. Following the home exercise regimen listed below will keep you, like Dick, firm.

1. Dick stretching: A limber Dick helps prevent workout injuries such as groin pulls. Dick spends 10 minutes stretching muscles by switching TV stations with his toes and reaching for a beer that is just beyond his grasp

2. Making Dick fit: Dick builds cardiovascular stamina by hotboxing Djarum cigarettes for 10 minutes, which builds the lungs' tolerance for smoke while simultaneously satisfying Dick's lust for butts.

3. Making Dick bigger: Dick works his upper body by attempting to force a comb through his hair for five minutes; Dick's lower body is maintained by kicking his malfunctioning appliances, cars and girlfriends (for five minutes, or as long as necessary).

4. Measuring Dick: Dick weighs and measures himself to monitor his figure; Dick's size is very important.

5. Steady Dick diet: Dick's daily weight dictates his intake of dietary supplements - overweight: Dick drinks lighter fluid; underweight: Dick drinks heavy.