Dick's stern objection to replacing valuable drinking time with sleep is simply an inherent trait of his youthful nature. Nonetheless, Dick's current "mortal" status demands his body receives rest. The following bedtime procedures ensure that Dick's down time is as painless as possible.

1. Dick's curfew  Dick doesn't need a clock to tell him when it's time for bed - the correct combination of alcohol and gravity eventually forces the issue. When even the most concentrated effort to unite bottle with mouth or foot with floor ends in a messy spill, Dick reluctantly begins prepping for sleep.

2. Pre-bed hygiene  With coordination questionable and vision blurred, intricate procedures such as brushing teeth could easily result in a trip to the emergency room. Dick foregoes brushing until morning (evening), but does take time to clear a path from bedroom to bathroom, in case he needs to make an emergency call on the big, white telephone.

3. Finding a flat surface  Depending on the severity of the night's partying, beds and couches may be either occupied or in no condition to be occupied. Dick makes due with whatever flat surface is available.

4. Bedtime story  Dick puts himself into a relaxed state by running the audio to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at top volume.

5. Counting sheep  Depending on the cycle speed of the room's spin, Dick may require a repetitive mental focus to calm his restless mind. Instead of counting sheep, Dick attempts to count all the Godsmack songs that sound the same, which quickly lulls him into deep sleep.