Operation: the Dick Bill Version

Operation Dick

In an attempt to cash in on the semi-lucrative family board game industry, speculative investor and cultural icon Dick Bill has licensed the popular electronic board game Operation from Milton Bradley and created the official Dick Bill Version of the game. Available for purchase at most national retailers and local toy stores, Operation: The Dick Bill Version plays similar to the original game but has been modified to reflect Dick’s unique medical condition. Listed below is the game’s point structure:

Throat – 20 points Many a live music venue owner will thank you for removing this foul, offensive part of Dick’s anatomy.
Heart – N/A As in real life, Dick’s heart is inaccessible.
Sunglasses – 10 points Attempting to remove Dick’s sunglasses in real life typically results in a swift punch to the throat. Here it is worth 10 points.
Clavicle – 30 points Having been broken multiple times, these bones are almost impossible to remove without them shattering into a million pieces.
Liver – 40 points As a result of a curiously coincidental manufacturing flaw, Dick’s liver is too enlarged to be removed through its corresponding hole.
Nose – N/A Though there are no bones left in Dick’s nose to remove, players receive bonus points if they are able to shove anything up Dick’s nostrils.
Booze Bottle – 100 points The hardest piece to remove from Dick’s possession, the booze bottle is also worth the most points.
Dick – 50 points Removing Dick’s dick inevitably causes Dick to have an existential crisis, signaling the end of the game.

October 2007