Ride 'em Dickboy

Always eager to explore new ways of inflicting massive damage on his body, semi-professional bull rider and cultural icon Dick Bill actually began his rodeo career by accident after some confusion surrounding the abbreviation of the Professional Bull Riders, PBR, caused Dick to mistakenly register for the PBR World Finals (Dick thought he was signing up to competitively drink Pabst Blue Ribbon). Despite rarely being able to focus on anything for an entire eight seconds (the target length of a successful bull ride), Dick has experienced moderate success on the bull riding circuit while introducing to the sport that special flair and unusual methodology for which Dick is known. Listed below are notable accomplishments of Dick's bull riding career:

April 14, 2002 - Begins training to be pro bull rider by giving up drinking.

April 15, 2002 - After 24 unbearable hours, Dick thinks better of above idea.

August 2002 - Dick refuses to ride bareback as knee-jerk reaction to his crippling fear of causing pregnancy.

April 2003 - Brutal bull trampling fixes the kink in Dick's neck that's bothered him since childhood.

September 2003 - Bribes rodeo officials to replace traditional country music with Pantera's Cowboy From Hell.

July 2003 - Coined Professional Bull Riders' new slogan using phrase Dick had for years applied to heavy drinking nights: "It's not if you get hurt, it's when."

November 2003 - Bangs three clown groupies in bucket chute during singing of National Anthem.

February 2004 - Invents bull seatbelt in effort to free up other arm for more drinking.

July 2004 - Realizes that bull riding requires balance, flexibility, coordination, endurance, dedication and courage. Quits.

May 2007