So You Think You Can Drink

Inspired by the great success of the hit show So You Think You Can Dance, producers at the Fox Network recently contracted the services of world-renown professional drinker and cultural icon Dick Bill to act as a judge for the first season of the network’s latest spin-off show,So You Think You Can Drink. The American Idol-style contest pits largely unknown drunks from across the nation against one another in a variety of drinking situations, each competing for the right to be called “America’s Best Drinker.” Described below are some of the show’s features:

Kick Out The Bum: Contestants must eject an unwanted vagrant from the tavern while inflicting as much bodily harm as possible without him pressing assault charges.

Avoid Paying Tab: Each contestant must see how impossibly high he or she can get their individual bar tab without being asked to actually pay money toward it.

Jukebox Awareness: Contestants are exposed to a variety of distractions yet expected to instantaneously recognize and complain whenever someone plays a totally gay song on the jukebox.

Drunk Talk: Contestants must drone on as long as possible about some great idea or project that, once sober, will sound like the dumbest idea in the world.

May 2010