Trick Dick

Most readers are unaware that amateur magician and cultural icon Dick Bill won an apprenticeship with David Copperfield during a rigged dice game decades ago. Having studied under the master illusionist for many years, Dick appears capable of wielding mind-blowing command over time, space and financial responsibilities. Among Dick Bill’s most impressive tricks:

• Making club cover charges vanish
• Sawing a woman in half (not so much of an illusion as simply sawing a woman in half – a real crowd pleaser)
• Teleporting between eight different bars every night without possessing a driver’s license
• Hypnotizing strippers
• Pulling Jack Daniels pint from hat, coat, back pocket, shoe, ear
• Escaping from incredibly boring bar conversations
• Levitating asshole from barstool using only right hand
• Predicting own Keno loss
• Transforming absolute hellhole into living quarters
• Conjuring absolute worst fucking river card imaginable

August 2011