Heaven – Following an investigation into God’s lack of response in answering the pleas of His people, Senior Heaven Administrators announced Monday the discovery of millions of prayers that were mistakenly routed into God’s spam folder. “God is kind of old-school and doesn’t have the greatest understanding of His operating system, browser or gmail account,” said one archangel. “God wasn’t intentionally ignoring prayers from good believers who turn to Him for help in getting through life, He just wasn’t receiving the messages. This temporary breakdown in communications is largely to blame for God’s lack of response in healing many of humanity’s current plagues, wars and personal woes.” Sources confirmed that God’s ineptitude concerning modern technology had previously only affected His personal time. “He still can’t figure out how to change His flatscreen to Input Four so He can play His GameCube.” God agreed to start personally responding to each previously unheard prayer tomorrow as soon as He’s done marathoning Game of Thrones.