Myst-Dick

eye on dick mistdick bwLong-blessed with the gift of second sight (as well as the curse of usually seeing three of everything), professional fortuneteller and cultural icon Dick Bill recently turned his psychic talents into a fresh revenue stream, offering mystical insight into the future of anyone who has $20 cash to spend. Here are some examples of how Dick interprets the 22 cards of the Tarot:

CARDS AND FORTUNES

The Magician
You are currently being cheated out of twenty bucks.

The Hanged Man
You are about to get married.

The Fool
Godsmack or Nickelback songs take up the majority of your iPod’s memory.

The Lovers
(SEE The Hanged Man)

The Chariot
You’re about to get popped for your third drunk driving.

The Hermit
You are Recoil publisher Cliff Frantz.

The Tower
You will be interrupted after only seeing the first half of the second Lord Of The Rings moive.

The Hierophant
Nobody EVER gets this card – it’s boring. You must be extemely uninteresting.

Death
Dick keeps getting this card too. Apparently it can be ignored.

Judgement
This card says you suck, as does everyone else you know.

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