eHarmony.com founder Dr. Neil Clark Warren.

eHarmony.com founder matches socks based on 29 dimensions of compatibility

"While others attempt to match socks based on a very limited amount of information such as size, color and stitching pattern, our scientifically developed set of compatibility principles is proven to foster that magical union between two socks that can lead to long-term domestic bliss," said Warren from his Pasadena home. "Every day, socks purchased from retailers around the world are finding their drawer-mates right here in the comfort of my laundry room, thanks to our advanced system."

Drinking tea from an eHarmony.com mug while carefully sorting printouts of each sock's computer-generated character profile, Warren explained that the principles of his patented sock-pairing technique were developed based on information garnered during 30 years of first-hand clinical research.

"I spent years interviewing housewives, maids and laundry service employees in an effort to understand what causes three out of every four sock pairings to end in separation within their first year," Warren said using the same soft, comforting voice found in his eHarmony.com television and radio commercials. "It's important to understand that the reason socks will suddenly abandon their partners usually has to do with the fact that the pair - although seemingly compatible on the surface - should never have been together in the first place. The resulting situation eventually becomes one of extreme discomfort for all parties involved, and the partnership is ultimately doomed to failure."

Warren's intensive study of successful and unsuccessful sock matches led he and his team of researchers to identify combinations of 29 key dimensions common to harmonious pairings. These dimensions include such traits as color, length, width, fabric, age, stiffness, elasticity, texture, stitch quality and stitch pattern, among others.

Warren said that compiling a comprehensive and accurate profile of each foot garment is key to finding a sock its life-partner.

"Each new profile is run through our proprietary matching model, where it is screened against a database of existing profiles in order to locate the most compatible matches," said Warren, opening a dresser drawer to reveal dozens of perfectly matched socks as a testimonial to his system's success. "A lot of times you can just tell that two socks are meant to be together from the moment you put them side by side. It brings me a great deal of satisfaction when I see socks that have sat alone for so long finally make that magical connection."

According to Warren, other information obtained during the initial screening process - such as details regarding the sock's history with previous partners - occasionally suggests that his system may not be able to find the sock a suitable match.

"There are some socks that you're just never going to be able to find a match for," said Warren, holding up a ragged, faded pink sock that appeared to be losing its elasticity. "Some of these socks are too old. Some have been through such harsh experiences in the past that they've become very abrasive and seem unable to provide any warmth or comfort anymore. And some are quite obviously on the verge of completely coming apart. I'm afraid that you're just not going to find a compatible partner for deeply flawed socks such as these. I usually throw them in the garage to use for rags when I change the oil in my car - the miserable, lonely bastards."

October 2004