Computer hacker finds major vulnerabilities in own personality

Austin, Texas – Notorious for finding the smallest holes in coding, an area computer hacker this week uncovered key vulnerabilities in his own personality. The discovery came after 23-year-old Dustin Spearbeck chatted with a friend using Google Talk, a tool that allowed him to scour his character coding for weaknesses that could lead to long-term instability.

Spearbeck realized after the interaction with friend Amanda Hughes that he possesses several conversational entry points which could easily be exploited by the wrong person to mine for emotional information. For instance, Spearbeck found that a person could bring up his father, who left him and his mother when he was a young child, to gain critical personal information on Spearbeck’s fears and desires.

Spearbeck also uncovered serious personality flaws when the opposing conversational data displayed queries regarding relationships with the opposite sex and career goals. Such dialogue codes elicited erratic behavior from Spearbeck’s usually veiled language, causing the hacker to reveal vital data as to how his thoughts and emotions operate. Additionally, when pressed with subsequent queries aimed at his history with women, Spearbeck’s internal coding reacted irritably, leading to several critical errors in judgment.

“I could tell that Amanda was using strategic input language in an attempt to bring information to the surface,” said Spearbeck of his friend’s interrogative attack. “I did everything I could to avoid compromising my inner feelings, but there are certain loopholes I’ve never been able to resolve.”

Worst of all, Spearbeck learned in his chat session with Hughes that if a dialogue entry is made at a range within the age seven to age nine span, a fatal crying error results, causing all periphery defenses to fail.

“Those were really tough years, where my coding was formed without much concern for future security,” Spearbeck said. “If I had known how unstable my inherent source code would be, I would have done more to repress the particularly volatile sections.”

Spearbeck said he hopes to use what he learned this week to create extra security measures surrounding his formative years.

Courtesy of our news partner The Giant Napkin.