Keg found dead in bathtub

Tragedy grips local partygoers

Livingston, Ariz. – Partygoers were shocked and horrified Friday night when 20-year-old party host Trent Obeler found his quarter-barrel keg of Budweiser beer dead in the upstairs bathtub of his parents’ Livingston home at approximately 11 p.m., sources report.

“I went into the bathroom to fill another pitcher for the guys playing pool downstairs and [the keg] was just, well, dead,” said Obeler, who was throwing the party for more than 50 friends while his parents visited relatives in Utah. “I pumped the tap a few times and tried breathing into the spout, you know, trying to revive it, but it was no use. [The keg] was dead. I was in total shock. It was very unexpected.”

Obeler said that after discovering the dead keg – which had been purchased by an undisclosed source for $40 from a Crescent Avenue party store earlier that same day – he experienced a brief period of denial before accepting what had happened.

“At first I was like, ‘Jesus, [the keg] can’t be dead [already],’” Obeler said, recalling his emotional response to the dreaded discovery. “I guess I thought it would just keep on going forever. After she was dead, I started wishing I had spent more time with her, paid more attention to her, gotten to experience more from her, you know? Deep down, I think I just wasn’t willing to accept that here it wasn’t even midnight and we were out of beer. What a tragedy.”

According to sources, Obeler spent almost 10 minutes collecting both himself and two cans of beer from the refrigerator before regretfully informing his guests of the unfortunate circumstances.

“Talk about a buzzkill,” said Obeler. “I don’t think anybody at the party was really ready for something like this. I mean losing a keg isn’t like running out of fireworks. This was a party, and that was our keg – there’s really no overstating how tight that bond is.”

Bereaved party guest John Hawthorne echoed Obeler’s sentiments.

“When I first heard about the keg dying I was like, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’” recalled Hawthorne, 16. “I swear I had just seen [the keg] less than twenty minutes earlier and she seemed really healthy, like she had a lot of life left in her yet. And then just like that, boom, she’s gone – and there’s nothing anyone can say or do to bring her back. I just hope I can find somebody here that will let me buy in on their case [of beer].”

Sources said that while Obeler frantically phoned party stores in a fruitless attempt to locate another available keg, approximately half of Obeler’s guests, visibly shaken by news of the keg’s demise and unable to cope with their loss, vacated the Obeler residence.

“There wasn’t much point in sticking around at Trent’s place,” said guest Todd Forner. “I mean there wasn’t really much we could do. And besides, we heard there was a band playing at a basement party across town, and that was supposed to be a three-kegger.”

One guest, 26-year-old Doyle Lungren, went so far as to personally blame Obeler for the untimely deaths of both the keg and the party.

“Dude, you always keep a back up [keg] on reserve [at the party store],” said Lungren, a veteran of the local house party scene. “Nothing kills a party like a dead keg. He should’ve been keeping a better eye on her to begin with. If she was running dry he could have at least sent someone out to pick up a couple of cases [of beer]. If no other good comes of this, I hope everyone at least learned a lesson here tonight.”