Area man not so worried about spilling oil in driveway anymore

Little Rock, Ark. – Area resident Stan Markley admitted Sunday he no longer feels too worried about possibly spilling small amounts of oil into his gravel driveway while changing his car’s oil, as his bimonthly lax in environmentally consciousness pales in comparison to BP’s massive and ongoing ecological disaster in the Gulf of Mexico.

“I know that technically I’m not supposed to change the oil in my driveway because I could accidentally spill some of it out into the natural habitat or whatever, further contaminating the earth,” said Markley, sipping his fourth Pabst Blue Ribbon of the afternoon while waiting for the remaining drops of oil to drain from his 1996 Oldsmobile Regal. “But I can’t help but think that my spilling even a half-a-quart or less of oil at most into the ground every other month is, and please forgive the pun, but it’s a drop in the ocean compared to what BP is spilling into the Earth’s water every day.”

Markley’s relatively reckless attitude regarding the environment began in April following news of the monumental environmental damage being caused by the explosion of BP’s Deepwater Horizon oil platform in the Gulf of Mexico.

“I saw on the TV about how BP was so reluctant to get their ass in gear about stopping their oil well from leaking and thought, ‘Jesus, I could take all the oil I’ve ever changed in my whole life and dump it straight into the Mississippi and it still wouldn’t even scratch the surface compared to what BP is doing every day,” said Markley. “I would never do that, of course. I’m just saying that if I don’t exactly, say, use an oil pan because mine is all the way down in the basement and I’m already under the car and whatnot, what’s the harm, really? It’s like pissing in the ocean, so to speak.”

Markley, 38, admitted that although he’d rarely spilled during his regular oil changes – a ritual he’s been performing every other month since he was 16 – he’s since become a little less diligent in making sure he catches every last drip of oil that spews from his car’s engine during the routine maintenance.

“I used to worry about spilling even a single drop of oil on the ground while changing the [car’s] oil, but now it’s like, ‘What the hell?” you know – BP is pumping sixty thousand barrels of this shit directly into the Gulf [of Mexico] every day,” said Markley, tossing his cigarette butt out into the street. “I’ve always prided myself on being as environmentally conscious as the next guy – it just seems like the next guy, in this case, doesn’t really seem to give a shit. So why should I?”