County’s snow successfully plowed into all neighborhood driveways

St. Joseph, Mich. – Road officials governing St. Joseph County announced with great satisfaction Monday that the buildup of snow on the county’s roads resulting from the massive weekend blizzard has successfully been plowed off of county roads and into the entrances of all homeowners’ driveways.

“Over the weekend, county snowplow drivers worked around the clock plowing all of the snow off of the roads and into everyone’s driveways, so commuters can rest assured they will encounter safe driving conditions on the roads this morning,” said St. Joseph County Road Commissioner Dean Lang early Monday morning. “That’s assuming they can get their cars out of their driveways, of course.”

Homeowners in St. Joseph County confirmed that although personal weekend efforts at snow removal to clear driveways in anticipation of Monday morning’s commute to work were initially successful, by Sunday night, county snowplows had pushed through again, completely negating their snowshoveling work.

“I hope those bastards are proud of themselves,” groaned Dane Morgan, a local homeowner, watching yet another snowplow blast a few more cubic yards of snow into his recently cleared driveway during its city plowing route. Morgan claimed to have spent close to two hours shoveling his driveway Sunday before county snowplows relocated a section of his street’s snow buildup into his driveway.

Morgan is just one of the hundreds of area homeowners who are now part of the countywide effort to redistribute the snow back into the roads.

“Here, you guys can have it all back, how’s that?” yelled Barry Stephenson, shoveling the 14 inches of highly compacted snow thrown into his driveway by snowplows back out into the street. Stephenson’s sentiments were being echoed throughout the neighborhood by heavily-dressed homeowners, many of whom were also out shoveling and snowblowing the snow in their driveways back into the street during a widespread redistribution effort expected to last the entire morning.

“Maybe we should find out where these snowplow drivers live and plow snow into their driveways, see how they like it,” Stephenson shouted to one of his neighbors who was also shoveling his driveway. “If these drivers had any dignity they’d be out picking up cans off the streets for a living.”