White Plains, N.Y. – Office worker Paul DeMarco told coworkers Thursday that the inspirational quote-a-day calendar on his desk has taken a more honest tone during recent weeks, offering brutal, obscure quotations that more accurately reflect the 42-year-old civil engineer’s current personal problems.
“Through June my calendar had been really positive, giving me quotes like Aristotle’s ‘Hope is a waking dream,’” DeMarco explained to coworker Alice Greenleaf. “But now I’m getting quotes like ‘Make an impact in life or you’ll be forgotten in death,’ which the calendar attributes to Walt Whitman. That can’t be right, can it?”
DeMarco told Greenleaf that July’s quotes have related harsh yet truthful appraisals of DeMarco’s mediocre professional abilities, his subpar physical appearance and his dwindling prospects for a better personal life.
“Here’s another one, July third: since when did Churchill say, ‘You have neither the looks nor personality to ever find a satisfying romance?’” added DeMarco, sifted through a stack of calendar pages he started collecting after being dumped by his girlfriend in late June. “How is that even a quote? That has to be some kind of joke, right? Stupid calendar.”