Recoil Handbook: Golf Tips

Golf_tipsGolf has long remained one of the most popular sports in the country, played as much for relaxation as for competition. Here are some tips to help sharpen your game.

• Beginners: part of the allure of golf is that the game presents almost unlimited situations that require the player to constantly be making tough choices. Still, for simplicity’s sake, you’re probably best off picking one end of the club to strike the ball with and sticking with it.

• Your first goal should be developing a good short game. Your second should be getting a cart airborne.

• Many players find that they get more practice and enjoyment out of hitting a bucket of balls if they dump out the balls and hit each one independently.

• You should be trying to hit the ball really, really hard. Also note that direction can be important in some situations.

• Follow through is very important, so if you’re going to threaten to kick someone’s ass for hitting into you, you better damn well be ready to throw down.

• It is considered bad manners to talk about uninteresting subjects in the middle of other players’ backswings.

• Despite what you may see on TV, golf is still a good way to avoid minorities, homeless people and homosexuals.

• A lot of golf “pros” will tell you that the key to success is being able to play the fairway, but the cheatingway sure sounds a lot easier.

• If you notice that rakes are laid out near all of the sand traps, consider yourself lucky, because you came during the course’s Free Rake Day promotion! Free rakes! Whoohoo!

• You can shave strokes off your average by hitting more hole-in-ones.

• Hold your feet apart, but not too far apart. Hold your arms stiff, but not too stiff.

Basically, do everything perfectly every time.

• This isn’t a mini-golf course! Congratulations, son, you just drove a ball into that Amish man’s windmill.

• You can avoid having to learn how to chip by simply landing the ball on the green with your longer iron shots.

• Word to the wise: be certain as to the sexual orientation of your foursome before suggesting that the group continue on to the 19th hole.

• Even funnier than giving one of your friends a novelty golf ball that explodes is giving them a novelty golf cart that explodes.

• Face it, buddy, the only way you’re ever going to shoot in the 70s is by building a goddamn time machine.


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