Recoil’s Guide to Enjoying Halloween

halloween tips

Halloween can be enjoyed at every age as long as it’s not out of joint with your religious beliefs. And if it is, you’re probably not terribly fun to be around during Halloween anyway. If you think you can hang, here are some tips for getting your Ween on this month:

- Make sure your costume is bright and reflective – which I guess rules out going dressed as Kristen Stewart.

- The half-dug graves, unconscious bodies, and bloody weapons are great, but put effort into making your yard look different from how it looks during the rest of the year.

- Avoid dressing as an NFL player unless you want to be arrested.

- Don’t worry about traffic – most motorists are too busy scanning Facebook on their cell phone to be actively trying to hit you.

- Terrify adult audiences by blasting Fox News from your house.

- Vampires are officially no longer scary, so don’t bother. Thank you, Twilight.

- Providing healthy treats is a great way to entrench your reputation in the neighborhood as a class A weirdo.

- Safety suggests making sure your porch is so well lit that the entire haunting effect of the elaborate decoration is completely ruined. And that’s why we all hate safety.

- Good luck explaining to mom how the need to carry a flashlight is creatively limiting.

- You may think Halloween would be appropriate for a celebration of reanimated dead people. You would be wrong. That’s Easter.

- Hasn’t general social anxiety just about killed off this “holiday” yet?


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