Second only to Monday, Tuesday is Americans’ most hated day of the week simply because of its November association with our national obligation to vote. Here are some tips for getting you through the ballot box and back to your precious freedom, SUVs and digital trinkets:
- Although it’s hard to schedule and cover costs while living paycheck to paycheck, rent a tuxedo to wear on the big day.
- Arab-Americans should remove your suicide vests before entering the election building, just in case you are the victim of racial profiling.
- To you it might just be an election, but for old volunteers across the nation, this is GAME DAY – so do your best to make it fun for them.
- You’d think someone would have invented electronic voting by now. Oh, that’s right, Diebold did that to rig Bush’s re-election. Damn clever lot, that bunch.
- Don’t forget to vote on Michigan’s Proposal 14-1, which has something to do with how many wolves residents can kill every year. And they say there’s no progress on the big issues.
- Don’t you wish you could get that cool extra-long paper like the ones they print ballots on? I guess in this way all Americans share the same dream.
- Remember that in the history of U.S. Presidential voting, the party with the most campaign money has won every single election so far. That being said, have fun experiencing democracy!