Caring For Your Pet

There’s a great deal more to taking care of a domesticated animal than putting out some food and water every evening. Your pet needs plenty of care if it’s to live a long, healthy life as an adored family companion. Here are some tips for making sure your pet’s many needs are met:

• When selecting a pet, pick an animal whose adult size will be reasonable in relation to your living space. For example, if you live on a country ranch, you probably have enough room to raise horses, whereas if you live in a cardboard box, you’ll probably have to be satisfied with just having fleas.
• If you keep rabbits, remember that their favorite thing to do is chew – so make sure they have access to their own spittoon, as well as a pitcher’s mound and/or country music.
• Before taking your pet out on a boat, it’s important to know for sure that it knows how to swim. Unfortunately, there’s only one way to find out for sure.
• Never leave a pet unattended in a car – you’d be surprised how many of them know how to hotwire.
• It’s important to clip your pet’s nails at least once every year, just like you do for yourself. You should also brush your pet’s hair or fur monthly, just like you do for yourself.
• You can keep your new puppy from digging up everything in sight by simply taking away its shovel. Duh.
• While it is important that your pet get enough exercise, it’s also important that they learn to wipe their sweat from the machines after using them.
• Animals don’t have great memories, so remember, the greater the time span between when your pet misbehaved and when you punish it, the harder you have to smack it.
• Trust me, now matter how accidental it looks, there will be suspicion if you’re discovered to have taken out a $1,000,000 life insurance policy on your girlfriend’s cat two days before it’s discovered dead in the front yard.