Winter Survival Guide

Getting through the winter months requires adaptation to harsh weather conditions. Here are a few tips for keeping your body warm and your spirits up:

1. In the event you are locked out of the rebel base overnight, ignite your light saber, cut open your Tauntaun's belly, remove its steaming innards and stuff yourself inside.
2. Consume plenty of hot liquids. For extra cash, videotape your girlfriend doing the same and launch a pay web site featuring these videos.
3. Keep in mind that in many countries, unclogging the blade area of a running snow blower with your bare hands is considered a show of courage and power.
4. During the winter months, homeless people should consider purchasing a home.
5. Before agreeing to take your children sledding, remember that the activity involves repeatedly hiking up a huge goddamned hill in the freezing cold.
6. Compensate for insufficient winter bedding by adding a bed partner. Continue to add bed partners until you have enough bodies to generate a comfortable amount of heat.
7. Go ahead and enjoy downhill skiing if you're such a rich bastard that you can afford to do so. Don't mind us – we'll just be here finishing that second coat of wax on your car, boss. Asshole.
8. Reduce your home heating bill by sleeping in your car with the engine running. Make sure to tightly close the garage doors to keep out those harsh winter winds.